excerpt from a book i’ll never write #28

It was only one night, but his hands running down her back and his lips on her neck seem to be a broken record in her head. It’s not that she misses his smell or the spark of his skin on hers; she craves touch. Any touch. She craves the touch of his arm on hers or their fingers laced. She misses the touch of his breath on her ear as he whispers sweet nothings. But a “he” is just that, and any he will do, and it’s one thing to be alone but another to be lonely. It’s 1:05 in the morning and she’s drunk but he’s the only one on her mind. And him, and him too. Her head spins and her ears are ringing with the words she should have screamed aloud a long time ago, but the worst thing about falling to pieces is that humans do it so quietly. No one hears her heart crack or the soft patter of dripping blood on new, white sheets, and no one can hear her mismatched breaths as she tries to find someone a little better than him. She’s lying in her bed, in her house, and all she wants to do is go home.

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excerpt from a book i’ll never write #26

And with those eyes, you could have set the sky on fire, but you chose to burn me instead; together we burned.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #25

People are not rain or snow or autumn leaves. They are not beautiful when they fall. People are more of a hurricane, with tsunami waves coming in all directions; tears so powerful that they drag you down to the dirty depths and you’re scared no one can find you again. Trapped under the misty light that comes through six feet of water over your head, you wonder if this is what it’s like to die.

But no, you are terrified. And death is not something to be afraid of.

I hope we all find a way to calm down someday, taking the swirling winds of the hurricane to something of a subtle drizzle.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #24

As I lay awake I think of you, and nothing but you. I think of how your lips touch mine, and I think of the way you are oh, so gentle, and how your touch makes it feel as if lightning is crawling under my skin. You make me feel like I am the most amazing person in so many ways it would take centuries to name them all, even though I’m not. Joy. You are joy, and you are calm. You calm me in ways no one has been able to achieve, and as I think of you, I think of nothing but you. I think of the way you laugh too hard at things that aren’t all that funny, or how your eyes get all crinkly in the corners and how your alluring smile lights up the entire room. I think of your drunk Saturday night words whispering in my ear, and I think about how you have come so far. I think about how at one point in my life, I never knew the significance of your name being spoken aloud. I never knew that one day, a single person could mean so much to me. I never knew that one day we would be like this. I could never have imagined something as perfect as us. I think of the way you walk and how the distance between each step is approximately 3 feet closer to your final destination, and how your final destination is where I wish to be. I think of how one starry night, you will lie awake, and maybe think of me too; we could be thinkers together.