excerpt from a book i’ll never write #46

Sometimes people tell us that things are okay even if they don't really mean it but when you whisper it in my ear between kisses after everyone else leaves for the night I somehow believe you might be on to something.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #45

The beer bottle rolled from one end of the table to the next, leaving a trail of carbonated amber leftovers where it stopped. Smoke tumbled from the glass ashtray next to the glass bottle, and her heart silently shattered like glass, too.

She whispered through tears over the roaring TV and his labored breaths, “come closer.” The air moving in his lungs was tainted with that God-awful acrid smell.

“Do you like me?” His question seemed irrelevant, but when she looked into his eyes she saw something brutally honest. She saw a flash of fear; something he never would have let be seen if he were sober.

“Don’t be an idiot and just come closer.” His hand fell on her head and he kissed her cheek and wondered who in God’s name could have made her heart hurt so damn much.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #44

When I was 11 I had a soccer coach who made us run in circles and when we got dizzy he told us to run the other direction to undo the spinning. Imagine the beauty of living in a world where we could just run the other direction every time the world spun in circles; imagine how simple everything would be if we could undo the shit that made us spin in the first place.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #36

Do you ever realize how badly you’re going to miss a moment while you’re living it? Like wow, these are good days. I am here and I am happy and I feel alive, and I’m scared I’m never going to feel alive again.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #35

I burn my mouth and lungs with puffs of nicotine and I realized it feels too good to burn myself alive because darling, we were a perfect match but matches were meant to burn.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #34

We must have one love, one great love; it gives us an excuse for all the moments we are filled with despair.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #29

The only thing I know for sure is that the day ends, and the stars will come out and darkness is temporary. But don’t the lights in the sky look so beautiful?